Monday, October 18, 2010

Emotional Momma

Part of becoming a mommy is having to think for someone other than yourself. You have to think what's best for your child, how a decision will affect them now and in the future. I had to make a VERY hard (for both myself and Jaliyah) decision recently, which also contributed to my short absence.

One of the decisions, that I am sure many of us have faced, is whether you and your SO should stay together "for the kids." In my opinion, if you even have to ASK this question - you shouldn't be together. I really don't feel that "staying together for the kids" is a good thing. Children can sense tension, hurt, and any other feelings you may be feeling - they know when something just isn't right. So..I am no longer with Jaliyah's father.

This is something really personal for me and if you don't like what I have to say, or agree with it, you can press that little red X in the upper right hand corner. Thanks.

Her father and I have been together for a little under 2 years, things happened VERY fast for us and that definitely worked against us. We moved in together quickly because we got pregnant. From the very beginning things were not right - I knew this, but I was young and pregnant with my first baby. I was scared. I didn't want to do it alone. So I stayed. I'd be left alone almost 100% of the nights I was pregnant, his excuse was always "you're pregnant, what can you do?" uhm..what?! But I always said to myself "it'll be different when Jaliyah is here." So my pregnancy went on, and so did his nights out. I had to beg and plead for him to spend time with me. I lived at HIS house, and I was there more then him. So I made the decision to move to my mother's when Jaliyah was born. That I did...and Jason followed.

Jaliyah was here now - things should change right? He would be home all day after work to help me? Right? No..Everything was still happening. So for the last 6 months I have been sitting at home while he was out doing who knows what, not coming home until later, not spending weekends with us. His time with Jaliyah was mostly in the mornings and nights - never during the day. The reason for staying with him was because I was afraid to be a single mom - but I was a single mom with a night time roommate, basically.

A few weeks ago, I finally had enough. I knew it wasn't good for Jaliyah - especially as she gets older. So, he has been gone for a couple weeks. It has been rough adjusting for Jaliyah. She missed him so much, neither of us have slept at night - she wakes up every hour. She cries a lot during the day - I know she misses him, I know she knows he is gone. She has seen him twice since him leaving (including today, she got to spend all day with him) and she is SO happy when she is with him, such a daddy's girl! It will be better this way. She will still see him and have a relationship with him, but not have a mother who is stressed, crying, irritated, and full of crazy emotions that she can sense and worry about. He knows for us to EVER be together again, there is a list of things that must be completed, changed and proven. I would try to not let her see those different emotions, but I knew she knew they were there - that isn't fair to her. She deserves ALL of me - the HAPPY mommy! She's back :)

10 comments:

Heather from MOHTH said...

I'm sorry this happened! I can't relate, but I wish you the best!


Heather From and Mommy Only Has Two Hands! and Lynhea Designs

NewMom said...

I literally just wrote a blog about this same subject last night. I completely agree with you. I'm trying to convince my sister as well.

http://stayathomemom-newmom.blogspot.com/2010/10/should-i-stay-with-my-partner-for-sake.html

Esperanza said...

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through that. That is really rough. I think you made the right decision, for what it's worth. I absolutely do not agree that people should stay together for their children, because it doesn't show the kids a good example of a loving relationship - and that is really important. It still must be really hard though, so I'm sorry. You're in my thoughts and heart right now.

Jennifer @ Just Peachy in Dixie said...

I'm following from Tuesday Tag Along.

Jennifer @ http://justpeachyindixie.blogspot.com

Katie Adams said...

new follower from wandering wednesday hope you can return the follow

Katie
http://diaryofmomma00.blogspot.com

Shanee said...

I'm your newest follower from the Wednesday Blog Hops! Come check out my blog at: http://adventuresofathriftymommy.blogspot.com/

Have a great day!

Missy Schranz said...

I'm your newest follower off of Wandering Wednesday and would love a follow back! Your blog is adorable! Nice job!

Friendly hugs,
Missy Schranz
http://missyschranz.blogspot.com/

Angie said...

I stayed with my now ex-husband even though he was the same way. Work was more important. He started spending longer and longer hours at work and taking phone calls outside. When i was 7 months preg with our 2nd child i found out he was cheating on me. I was devasted. I tried to leave but ended up going back. I was afraid at first too. I didn't have a job lined up near my family and a lot of responsibilities where i was. I stayed but it was miserable. He continued to neglect his family and even carried on the extramarital relationship for a few months after. Finally one day I decided I could do bad by myself and left. I never looked back. While I know it would have been better for the kids if we could have worked it out, the fact that he was never home and when he was we were screaming at each other would not have been a good environment for the kids either. We're all happier now. I can honestly say that. So You do what you gotta do girl. For you and your little one

Baybee Luv said...

@Angie - thanks! and I am so sorry you had to go through that, I think the biggest thing for me (and I'm sure your reason for staying too) was that I wanted that "family" life for my daughter - I desperately wanted him to want that too, but he just didnt. I know now that I can give that to Jaliyah without him - so..bye asshole lol

Teresa@multi-facetmom said...

I am a new follower, found you on Bloggy Moms!

So sorry to hear! I cannot relate, but can imagine it is very difficult. You are absolutely right that staying together for the kids is not a good solution! They sense everything! If you're arguing all the time, or one isn't home, what kind of example is that to them when they are looking for relationships? It's just teaching them that is what is normal and how it goes!

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