30 Days of Truth (Day 27 - 30)

This is the last 30 Days of Truth post. I hope you learned something about me and I challenge you all to do it!

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
JALIYAH! Duhhhhh - She is the best thing that ever happened to me and she is what keeps me going and not giving up!

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
If I got pregnant again right now, I would be very shocked and overwhelmed because it is entirely too soon - but I would embrace it and prepare for my new youngin!

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Well, I want to live a better lifestyle, and take care of myself better. I never really cared because I had no reason too, I guess. But now Jaliyah is here and I want to live forever for her! I will be starting a new series soon about my new lifestyle change :)

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Dear Elisha,
I love your personality.
I love your ability to nuture and care for people in your life.
I love your eyes.
I love your humor and ability to make people laugh when they need it.
I love that you're a mother.
I love that you try and be a better person each and every day you live.
I love that you're spontaneous.
I love your hair.
I love that you do the best that you can do and don't let anyone talk you down.
I love that you are blunt.
and
I love how you do not change who you are for anyone.
Love,

30 Day Challenge - Week in Advance (Day 20-26)

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
I'm not sure how to approach this topic - I drink socially, and I feel there is nothing wrong with that as long as people know their limits and do not drive until they are sober. I think alcoholism is a disease and it's a terrible thing for families to deal with. As far as drugs, I do think marijuana should be legalized for medicinal purposes.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
I'd be the first by her side. Good friends are hard to come by and friends should never let anything come in between them during a time of need. I would hope my best friend would do the same for me!
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
I wish I wouldn't have slacked off in high school! I think that was m biggest mistake so far - I am only 23 and have plenty of life before me, which I am sure I will make more mistakes. But as of right now, if I would have took high school more seriously, I think I would be further into my career then what I am now - but at least I am getting there, right?
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Well, like I just said I am only 23 years old so there's a lot I hope I still get the chance to do. I have quite a long bucket list of things I hope to do in my life, so I will just name a few: Bungee jump! Go to all the states and travel to Italy! I also want to do as many fun travel things with Jaliyah as I possibly can, I got to do a lot of fun things as a kid and I want Jaliyah to have all the good memories that she can possibly hold.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Ironically, I wanted to start putting together a play list to share with my daughter as she gets older. Right now I only have "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride.
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
I believe everyone has a purpose in life, and I just feel my purpose hasn't been totally fulfilled yet. It's started, and I figured out what my purpose is - to be a mother. My journey is on its way and no where near complete!
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Yes, and I won't get too far into this - maybe in another post. But I was very young and just felt out of place. I was alone and didn't feel I had anyone to turn too. I was naive and felt the "easy way out" would be best. Well it wasn't and I'm glad I'm here. My life is turning out so wonderful and so amazing, and realizing that there is a light at the end of any dark tunnel that you get guided into, is something you should always remember!

30 Day Challenge (Day 14-19)

Day 14 - A hero that has let you down (Write a letter)..
Dear Rick,
I started this blog to meet new mommy's and share all of my experiences with other momma's. I know you don't read this but I know this is something I should get off of my chest either way. This is about something that happened very recently. I hope you can somehow understand how you've hurt me in such a tremendous way.
Last year, our uncle who we were very close to, suddenly passed away. From all that tragedy, came some (what I thought was) good. We met some of our family that we never even knew existed and gained more family. I thought it was so cool because family is so important and to know we had even more out there, and they were now in our lives was nice. Much to my dismay, they were not such good people and those true colors did not take long to show through. They were racist.
I actually conceived Jaliyah the day our uncle passed away, but did not find out until the following month. Jaliyah's father, as you know, is a wonderful African American man. Our family has NEVER had a problem with this and we were not brought up in any racist form. However, these new "family" members were brought up quite different. They called me inappropriate names, called my daughter outrageous things, told me and other family members they would have nothing to do with my daughter. Soon after I found out I was pregnant, you found out you were having a beautiful daughter too. Soon after that, these particular family members found out they weer expecting as well. With that, came more remarks. I was told their daughter would never be allowed to play with theirs, because she is mixed.
I cut them out of my lives, and they no longer even know I exist. I refuse to put my daughter in that position. I thought you felt the same about your niece. I was wrong. Come to find out, a week ago they were at your house. How dare you. I never expected this from you. You have these disgusting, ignorant, assholes in your home that think your only sister and only niece are dirt. I never thought you would do this to me.
I know it's hard for people to understand who have never been a victim of discrimination and racist remarks, but I am your sister. I expressed to you how I disliked these people that claim to be family and how much it hurt. I don't know what else to say to you...

Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it..
Now, I know I haven;t tried living without her - but kind of. I could not live without Jaliyah. She just completes me. Before her, I had 2 miscarriages, I even made it to 12 weeks with one. I didn't think I would ever had a child. But lo-and-behold, here came my miracle. I couldn't imagine my life without her and she has completed my number one dream in life - to be a mother.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without..
Laundry. I HATE laundry, why must I do it? I'm going to invent a machine that walks around my house and picks up all the clothes and magically cleans them...I swear I will.

Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your view on something..
Honestly, I haven't come across a book that's done that. However, I do love to read and my favorite author is Lurlene McDaniel - check her out :) I cry during every book lol

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage..
Do what makes you happy. I think ever single person deserves all the same rights. Gays are people and people have rights. Period.

Day 19 - What do you think of religion? or What do you think of politics?
Uhm..I believe everyone has their own beliefs and that is just fine with me, I will never push mt religion or what I believe onto anyone. As far as politics, hate it and I hate when people are obsessed and constantly talk about it and everything that is said is related back to some political issue. ugh.

30 Days of Truth (Day 11-13) Catch up again..oops :)

Something people seem to compliment you the most on..
Does this mean physically? If so, then my eyes. They are a nice hazel color and I don't know, I guess people like them lol Fortunately, my daughter inherited my eyes but with her daddy's eyelashes and oooooooo she is going to be a heart breaker!

Something you never get compliments on..
Again, physically? If so, uhmm...my height lol I am a vertically challenged 4'11! I get "made fun of" a lot for it. But that's ok, I enjoy being little. Although, Jaliyah's dad is 6ft tall so I'm pretty sure she is going to pass me up height wise by 8.

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)..
Dear Christina Aguilera,
You and I have gone through many similar things in our personal lives. You have written about your experiences, challenges, recovery, and moving on from those obstacles. I have been able to put on those certain songs and realize that eventually, it will pass and I will be ok - just like your song "I'm OK". You now have a wonderful little boy and he has changed your world, as Jaliyah has for me. Your music has changed with it and our lives just seem so similar. Thanks for helping and lifting me up even when you didn't know it!
Elisha ♥

30 Day Challenge (Day 10)

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know..

Hmm..About a month ago I told someone who I considered a very good friend of mine, that we should no longer be friends. I've known her since 2005 and we have worked together the entire time. We have many things in common and just got a long great - partners in crime. But she is the type of woman who really, truly feels she needs a man to define her; so whenever she found a new boyfriend, she would forget about everyone else. Well her latest "boyfriend" has been ... interesting. She found photos in his phone that he had secretly taken of certain body parts of me while I attended her daughters birthday party .. uhm hellloooooo wth?! CREEPER! He then proceeded to text me and send inappropriate pictures. Of course, I immediately called my friend and told her and she in return told her boyfriend she knew. He got mad that I said anything and told her to no longer speak to me.

I didn't think she would actually listen to him...but I began to notice that she was when the only time I would speak to her was when she was conveniently not around her boyfriend...I don't deserve that. So...bye. lol

30 Day Challenge (Catch up!) Day 7, Day 8, Day 9

Someone who has made your life worth living for..
Well, this should be an obvious answer :) Jaliyah Brielle makes every day worth waking up for. She makes me smile no matter how I am feeling and I love her more and more every single day.

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit..
Ooooooh man, my ex-boyfriend wins this award! I could probably write an entire 1000 page novel on that man boy! But just to give you guys a jist of what he did (besides being mentally and emotionally abusive) he crashed BOTH of my cars in 2 hours, stole over $1000 from me, stole my credit card, and spit in my face. Yes..I said that, spit in my face. Need I say more?

Someone you did not want to let go, but just drifted..
My best friend Lara. Her and I met in 5th grade and were inseparable ever since. We hung out everyday and even when we went to different middle schools and high schools, never lost touch. We had SO many inside jokes and SO many stories that I could bore you all with. We still talked and saw eachother occasionally after we graduated high school, but then she moved to Florida. It's been a few years and I miss her oh so dearly, we talk maybe a few times a year - but I wish it was more.

30 Days of Truth (Day 6)

Something you hope you never have to do..

I hope I never have to burry a child. What an awful thing to think about and I could never imagine being in the shoes of parents that have to do something so terrible.

30 Days of Truth (Day 5)

Something you hope to do in your life..

SKYDIVE! Plain and simple...Who wants to go with me?!

30 Days of Truth (Day 4)

Something you have to forgive someone for..

I need to forgive my little brother haha. I get mad at him SO often for not being around the family lately. He is now an uncle to 2 beautiful little girls and he is not very interested in that kind of life right now. I mean, he is only 18 and I remember what I was like when I was around that age. He is more about his friends and hanging out. I need to stop getting mad at him so much, he will come around! lol

30 Days of Truth (Day 3)

Something you have to forgive yourself for..

Ok..this one is going to be pretty personal and hard for me to talk about. But when I was about 15/16 I got pneumonia and bronchitis pretty bad. About a week or so after I had been on antibiotics and what-not, was Thanksgiving. So of course, I went to the big family gatherings that us Italian families are known for. Like every other year it was at my grandma and grandpa's house. My grandpa was like...my world. I was very close to him (as most of me and my cousins were), he was one of the most amazing people in my life and in everyone's life he met. Everyone called him T.J. or Grampa T.J. One of my fondest memories of him was when I was little and used to go for a weekend at grandma and grandpa's house - my grandma and I would watch movies (usually The Sound of Music) and my grandpa would leave and ALWAYS come back with a big ol bucked of butter popcorn from the local movie theater!

Anyways..Shortly before that Thanksgiving, he was diagnosed with emphysema and lung cancer. Then after that thanksgiving he got pneumonia and went down hill from there. He later died.

I was convinced it was my fault, I had to be the one to give him pneumonia, it had to be me. Because of me, he was dead - gone. I had never cried so long or so hard in my life. At the funeral, I felt like I was dying, like I couldn't breathe. I still cry when I think about him and it's been several years - I'm getting teary eyed now so I'm going to end this.

I know that truly, I did not give him pneumonia, but at the time it just seemed like too big of a coincidence. My heart hurt, and I have to forgive myself and realize it was not my fault - he was sick. Plain and simple - he was sick.

R.I.P Grampa T.J. - I ♥ You.

30 Days of Truth (Day 2)

Something you love about yourself..

I love the fact that I am opinionated and blunt! I can't stand when people just sit back, nod their head, and agree with everything someone says. Like..really? You just coincidentally agree with every single thing coming out of someones mouth? Uhm..no, I don't think sooooo! Everyone is entitled to their opinions and I love mine! I never agree with someone just for the sake of agreeing - I have to speak my mind.

Sometimes being this way and being blunt can be bad, but it makes me me - whatevs :P

30 Days of Truth (Day 1)

Something you hate about yourself..

I biggest thing I hate about myself is my inability to be OK with my flaws. I am my biggest critic (as most of us are) and I am way too hard on myself. I used to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself over and over again how ugly/chubby/not smart/more I was (in my mind) - I've become better at this in the past few years but I still am so easy to let myself down. I compare my self to others WAY too often then I should and don't see that the positives I have are just as good as anyone else.

I know many women struggle with issues like this and I suppose I am just another one those women, and I'm still working on it. I think having my daughter has helped me; I know she see's me as perfect and that's what matters! It's so funny because when she sees HERSELF in the mirror, she laughs and giggles and gets SO happy, and I'm learning to do that from her..a 4 month old ♥

30 Days of Truth

So I ran across this 30 Days of Truth blog challenge that I think is just..awesome. I saw it on Welcome to Mommyhood. Everyday, for 30 days, I will answer a question being completely honest with myself and all my lovely readers. So now everyday I will have a 30 day challenge post, a project 365 post, and updates! That's a whole lotta blogging but that's ok - I loves it! I think I'll combine the 30 day and 365 picture in one post..who knows..anyways...

Here it is..
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself